I’ve resolved to try something new. Once a day I am going to try and write something, anything. Whether it be a sentence or an entire manifesto (it will never be an entire manifesto), I’m going to try and flex a muscle that hasn’t seemingly been used since I was required to do it for a grade.
It seems fitting that the first thing I write about is the reason I decided to do this exercise in the first place. I’ve been thinking about my life so far, a brief existence to be sure but still long enough that there is something to reflect upon. In doing so I can’t help but be troubled by what a big role fear and consuming have in my day to day routine.
When it comes to making choices it is safe to say I look before I leap. The problem is too much much time is spent looking, to the point where it’s almost all I do. There is no leap. I spend so much time worried about failure and getting hurt that I never get around to actually doing anything for fear that any decision done without the upmost certainty of success will lead to loss and pain. So there is all this time spent in almost absolute indecision with nothing being done. Which is worse than loss and pain, because at least when you fail or get hurt you learn, and have an opportunity to make yourself stronger. Your more likely to find missed opportunities and regret living in constant indecision than you are answers.
It’s very easy these day to get lost in the amount of media and entertainment that’s out there. Shit, a person could spend a lifetime on Netflix and still have four more seasons of “Mad Men” to catch up on. I’m afraid I have fallen into a bit of a consumer rut. Hours are spent looking at shows, products, and articles, constantly consuming information and entertainment. Yet I myself never put anything out into the world in return. Yes, I have a job and I pay bills, but is it enough to do the bare minimum? I have ideas and ambitions that are laying around unused instead of being put out there for the world to consume for itself. There needs to be more give and take in this relationship I have with the universe, and for that to happen I need to give the universe something it can take and use.
Boy, this turned into more of a manifesto than I meant it to be. I’ll try not to make this exercise all about me because (as good as I seem to be it at) I’m not crazy about tooting my own horn constantly. This was cathartic and hopefully something good comes out of all this.
But I won’t know until I’ve tried.